


The Cake Is A Lie

by Polomonkey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Cake, Disabled Character, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: Merlin and Will pretend to be engaged to get free wedding cake samples. Obviously this backfires on Merlin when the baker turns out to be the gorgeous Arthur...





	The Cake Is A Lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merlocked18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlocked18/gifts).



> For the lovely Merls, who brightens up fandom with her [delightful art](https://merlocked18.tumblr.com/)! I hope you enjoy this bit of floof dear <3

Merlin was a bloody great friend, he wanted the record to show. He was supposed to have just been nipping into town to pick up a prescription and some new trainers, but Will had tagged along and somehow turned his quick errand into a complete tour of every bakery in town.

“What is wrong with this one?”

“They don’t do the fat Chelsea buns I like,” Will whined, dragging Merlin out of yet another patisserie.

“Who does?”

“Alice’s.”

“Will, that place went out of business three years ago! Alice emigrated to Spain with a thirty year old flamenco dancer!”

“Oh, but there must be some place… what about that one?”

Will pointed at a slightly quaint shopfront across the road, bearing the letters Excalibur Cakes in curly font above the door.

“That place is fancy and we are skint,” Merlin said bluntly. “I think they do, like, wedding cakes and stuff…”

“Ooh,” Will said, completely ignoring Merlin to wander across the road, narrowly avoiding getting hit by a motorbike.

Merlin darted after him, unfortunately too late to intercept him before he’d slipped inside the shop.

“This is the last one,” he said sternly to Will, whose eyes were like saucers as he took in the various cakes on display. “I have stuff to do, I have to get home and-”

There words rather failed Merlin, as he was probably in for another evening of making rude noises as Lance and Gwen cuddled up on the sofa. Which weren’t even that rude to be honest, because Lance and Gwen were ridiculously cute, even if Merlin did feel like a third wheel sitting in his own living room.

“Look at that one,” Will said, grabbing Merlin’s arm to steer him towards a multi layered brown cake with chocolate curls all over it. “Wouldn’t that be perfect for-”

What it would be perfect for Merlin never heard (though he suspected it was something along the lines of shoving whole into Will’s gob) because a pleasant voice interrupted them.

“Hello.”

Merlin spun round, and then it was his turn to have eyes like saucers. There was man in a wheelchair coming out from behind the counter, with soft blond hair and very bright blue eyes. He was smiling and Merlin couldn’t help but notice the slight crookedness of his teeth, and how it only added to the loveliness of his grin.

“Hi,” he said stupidly, because it wasn’t every day a vision in blond appeared before him.

“Ah, I see you’re looking at the Mocha Petal Cake,” the man said warmly. “Very popular choice for weddings.”

“It’s incredible,” Will said with terrifying sincerity.

“Well, thank you,” the man said. “Listen… I’m booked up for a while but my three o’ clock cancelled today, so I could squeeze you in for a tasting?”

For a moment Merlin was confused and then he realised they were in a wedding cake shop and Will was still hanging onto his arm quite tightly.

“Oh no,” he started to explain. “We’re not actually-”

“Meant to be cake tasting today,” Will interrupted, taking a death grip on Merlin’s hand. “But since you have an opening…”

“Will,” Merlin hissed.

“It’s okay, honey, we can pick out ties another day,” Will cooed.

“Ah, on a wedding schedule, are you?” the man said wryly. “How long till the big day?”

“We’re not-”

“That far off,” Will said smoothly. “August 28th.”

The man glanced at the calendar on the wall.

“Oh, a Monday wedding. That’s unusual.”

“We’re a very unusual couple,” Will said readily and the man smiled.

“Well, pleasure to meet you. I’m Arthur and this is my shop.”

“I’m Will and this grump Merlin is my fiancé.”

“I am not-”

“A grump, of course not, dear. Just teasing.”

Arthur seemed oblivious to Merlin’s desperate attempts to free his hand from Will’s manic, cake fuelled grip.

“Any allergies I should know about? No? Alright, I’ll go get set up,” he smiled and wheeled into the back.

The second he was out of sight, Merlin wrenched his hand away.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“He thinks we’re shopping for a wedding cake!” Will squawked excitedly. “We’re gonna get all the free cake we can eat!”

“But we’re not getting married!”

“Semantics,” Will said, waving his hand.

“No, not semantics! Lies! Cake based lies!” Merlin lowered his voice to a hiss. “The worst kind of lies.”

“The most delicious kind of lies, more like.”

Will looked shockingly unrepentant. Merlin was just about to drag him bodily from the shop when Arthur reappeared, balancing two insanely delectable looking cake slices on his lap.

“So this is the Mocha Petal you were looking at. It’s chocolate and coffee sponge, with nutmeg and cinnamon and a light buttercream middle, with dark chocolate curls on the icing.”

He placed the plates on the table.

“I’ll put a little sample box here with an extra bit of each cake so you can take some home too. You two are chocolate fans, right? I can tell.”

“Oh, we so are,” Will breathed in what was quite frankly an orgasmic tone of voice.

“Actually, Arthur,” Merlin began firmly. “I need to tell you mppph-”

Will laughed good naturedly, as though he hadn’t just shoved a forkful of cake right into Merlin’s open mouth.

“We always do that to each other,” he told Arthur while Merlin fought to swallow.

“Will! I cannot believe how… how… how good this cake is.”

That sentence went in a different direction than Merlin had intended but good lord. The cake was delicious! Quite possibly one of the best he had ever tried.

“Can I taste almonds?” he asked Arthur, moral outrage temporarily abandoned.

“There’s a dash of amaretto in the buttercream,” Arthur said proudly. “I take it you approve?”

Merlin answered that question by shoving in another forkful. Next to him, Will grinned widely around his own mouthful of cake.

Well. Merlin supposed they weren’t hurting anyone. Arthur had a free spot, after all. And if Merlin or Will ever really got married, they could give him their custom. Will always claimed he was going to marry Sophia, just as soon as she stopped blocking his phone calls…

“It’s amazing,” Merlin said honestly and Arthur flushed, seemingly pleased.

“Well don’t fill up yet, three more cakes to try.”

This warning fell on indifferent ears to Will, who seemed to be testing how much cake he could fit in his mouth before he actually passed out.

When Arthur wheeling out to get the next one, Will gave Merlin a chocolately smirk.

“Someone’s changed their tune.”

“I’m saving the poor man the embarrassment of realising your deception,” Merlin said primly.

“Course you are, mate. You’ve got buttercream on your nose, by the way.”

Merlin scrubbed it off furiously as Arthur returned with two generous helpings of a strawberry studded cake.

“This is your classic Strawberries and Cream cake, always nice for a summer wedding. Vanilla Swiss buttercream with strawberry pieces, vanilla sponge, and served with a nice coulis.”

Merlin couldn’t quite held the moan he made when the taste hit his lips. Arthur gave him a funny look before turning quickly back to Will, who was already decimating his slice.

“This is bloody good,” he said articulately.

“I don’t know about your theme but this cake is a great accent for white and red flowers too,” Arthur enthused. “What florals have you chosen?”

Merlin froze in place, every single flower he’d ever heard of deserting his mind. Unfortunately, Will ploughed right ahead.

“Dandelions,” he grunted, spearing a strawberry.

“Dandelions?” Merlin said, aghast.

Will looked up to see Arthur’s expression of polite bemusement.

“Er, yeah. Cos, er, when we were little I used to pick them for him. Hold them under his chin and all that.”

“That’s buttercups, dickhead,” Merlin hissed.

He couldn’t help but be offended on behalf on his imaginary wedding. He expected Will to at least stump up for some lilies, or perhaps a nice peony bouquet.

Oh great, now he could remember all the flower names.

“That’s so… nice,” Arthur said. “So you’re childhood sweethearts, then?”

“Yeah, sure,” Will said, attention still entirely focused on his plate. “We met when we were eight or ten or something. Love at first sight, etc etc.”

“And who proposed to who?”

“Er, I did,” Will said, licking his fork. “In… Skegness. Yeah, we were on a day out in Skeggy and I just thought, might as well.”

Skegness! Merlin was appalled. If anything, Will should have whisked him off to Paris and proposed under the Eiffel Tower at night, perhaps with a tasteful string quartet nearby…

“How lovely,” Arthur said valiantly. “Can I see your rings?”

Rings! Merlin froze in horror.

“We don’t have any,” Will said, supremely unconcerned. “Rings are dumb. Can I try the next cake please?”

“Thank you so much,” Merlin added quickly. Will was brusque at the best of times but put cake in front of him and he apparently became some kind of id driven monster.

Arthur gave Merlin a faint smile and left again. Merlin took the opportunity to shove Will’s shoulder.

“Dandelions? Skegness? Who the bloody hell d’you think you’re engaged to?”

“I was on the spot! Sorry our _fake_ wedding isn’t living up to your expectations.”

“Too right it’s not,” Merlin said indignantly. “I deserve romance and elegance, not some half-arsed nightmare off Don’t Tell the Bride.”

“What is your problem? You actually want me to propose to you?”

“Please, I’m way out of your league,” Merlin sniffed.

“Not what you said in Year Nine…”

“Oh my God! _One week_ I fancied you. Then I watched you throw up at Viv Glossop’s party and you’ve repulsed me ever since.”

“Aww Merls,” Will said. “Bring it in, I know you love me really.”

Without warning he locked Merlin into a bear hug and started smushing sticky kisses onto his cheek.

“Urgh, get off!”

“Admit you love me!”

“Will!”

Merlin was laughing now, trying to squirm away from Will’s cakey embrace.

“Get off!”

Just then Arthur wheeled back in and Will let go, entirely refocusing his attention on the multi coloured sponge in Arthur’s hand.

Arthur cast Merlin a slightly scrutinising look as he placed the cake down. Perhaps it was because Merlin had icing all over his cheek. He attempted to dust himself down, wondering why it was always the hot guys he looked a fool in front of.

“So this is our Rainbow Delight. Something a bit more fun and relaxed, if that’s your wedding vibe.”

Like the other two, the cake was insanely delicious. Arthur was some kind of baking magician, that much was clear. Merlin had to stop after two mouthfuls; he was teetering on the edge of full and there was more to come. Will seemed to have no such compunction and Merlin sincerely hoped he wouldn’t be watching his friend throw up again tonight.

“It’s seriously good,” he said to Arthur. “Is it– do you make all the cakes?”

“Well, there are a few bakers but I come up with the recipes usually,” Arthur said. “I always make a rainbow cake around Pride time.”

Merlin’s ears pricked up. Did that mean Arthur was queer? Or just an ally with an eye for the pink pound? Damn whoever taught straight men to dress well, Merlin’s gaydar had been on the blink since 2005.

Not that it mattered anyway, he realised. He was supposedly here with his fiancé, any romance with Arthur was entirely out of the question.

Which was a shame really, as Arthur was tragically good looking and an amazing baker to boot. He probably made such good breakfast in bed…

“Merlin?”

Merlin tuned back in to see Arthur looking at him.

“He wants to know if you’re excited for the wedding,” Will said, spraying crumbs everywhere.

“What? Oh. Yeah. Really excited.”

He couldn’t quite muster up the requisite enthusiasm for his ringless, dandelion strewn wedding. Arthur was looking at him with a slight frown and Merlin wondered if their cover was blown.

But all Arthur said was: “One left. Would you like to wash up before?”

This last question was directed to Will, who looked less like he’d eaten the cake than smashed his face in it.

“Yeah, cheers,” Will said and ambled off in the direction of the staff bathroom. Merlin expected Arthur to go straight out for the last cake but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward and twisted his hands together, like he had something awkward to say.

“So, you are excited then?”

“Yeah, course,” Merlin said quickly. Was Arthur onto them?

“Good. ‘Cause, I mean, it’s natural to be nervous.”

Merlin wondered if that might explain his and Will’s odd behaviour thus far.

“Oh yes! Nerves. I’m very nervous. Nervous nervous nervous. Cold feet! My feet are so cold!”

God, why couldn’t he stop talking?

Arthur steepled his fingers.

“Look, this… I may be way out of line. But I see a lot of couples come through here, and, well-”

They were so busted. Merlin waited with bated breath to be chucked out on his ear.

“Does he treat you right, Merlin?” Arthur said, all in a rush.

“What?”

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business but… I can see how upset you are about the dandelions and the proposal. And he can’t even remember when you met! And when I came in earlier and he was kissing you, you didn’t seem into it and I just…”

Arthur trailed off, his face reddening.

“God, it’s not my place, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t not say something. In case you needed to hear that it’s… it’s okay to have second thoughts.”

Merlin has a sudden vivid memory of his mother cautioning him aged five that lies always spiralled out of control. He doubted even she could have predicted how spectacularly this one would backfire.

He was in too deep not to carry on lying now. Merlin opened his mouth, ready to reassure Arthur that his love for Will was pure and strong, that there was nothing at all to be concerned about.

Then he looked at Arthur’s kind, worried face and he couldn’t do it.

“We’re not getting married!”

“What?”

Merlin should have probably taken a breath there to moderate himself but it was all spilling out now, too fast to stop.

“Will just loves cake and then you said you had a spot free and he just went for it and I told him we shouldn’t but then the cake was so good and-”

“Wait a second. You’ve been lying this whole time?”

Arthur’s face had darkened considerably.

“Lying to get free cake?!”

“Really good cake,” Merlin said weakly.

“This is unbelievable!”

Will chose that moment to wander back in.

“Saw the lemon cake in the kitchen, I cannot wait to try-”

He stopped short at Arthur’s expression.

“Get. Out.”

“Arthur, I’m so sorry-”

“Leave!”

“Oh Merls, we only had one cake to go,” Will complained and Arthur threw a stack of napkins at him.

“Alright! We’re going!”

“I really am sorry,” Merlin said desperately but Arthur’s face was stone.

“I can’t believe I was actually thinking…”

“Thinking what?” Merlin said. God, had there actually been something there? Something that he’d now totally ruined?

“Nothing. Leave!”

Will hooked his arm round Merlin’s waist and dragged him from the shop.

“Woops,” he said cheerily, once they’d reached a safe distance. “Nearly got away with it.”

“Oh God, we’re terrible people,” Merlin said miserably. “Terrible, terrible people.”

“Oh give over, it was a bit of cake, not his firstborn son. And hey, look, I grabbed the sample box!”

Will held his prize aloft and Merlin promptly snatched it.

“No! No more cake for you!”

“Merlin!”

“I’ll donate it to the needy. You and I don’t deserve to eat cake ever again.”

“You are relentlessly dramatic,” Will grumbled. “Alright, keep the cake. Hey, fancy a Nandos?”

He started to walk towards the restaurant but Merlin stayed where he was, eyes fixed on Excalibur Cakes in the distance.

He’d make this right. Somehow.

 

***

 

It was one week later that Merlin returned, bag clutched nervously in hand. He waited until he saw Arthur was free at the counter and then sidled in.

“You!” Arthur said immediately, which was not the most encouraging start.

Merlin put his hands up.

“I’m not here to make trouble.”

“Oh, then you must be here for cake. Anniversary cupcakes for you and _Will_ , is it? Or perhaps a Christening cake for the baby you’ve miraculously spawned since I saw you last?”

Merlin winced. He kinda did deserve that.

“I came to apologise,” he said, swallowing nervously. “That whole day just got out of hand and I’m really sorry.”

“Hmph,” Arthur said. “So you should be.”

“I am. Sincerely.”

“Well. Alright then.”

Arthur still didn’t look impressed but he was apparently willing to be the bigger man.

“Thanks for apologising. Clearly it’s more than your boyfriend could do.”

“I don’t have a- oh my God, Will? No! Definitely not my boyfriend. Just an old and incredibly stupid friend.”

If it wasn’t his imagination, Arthur’s expression softened slightly.

“I won’t argue with the stupid part.”

“Anyway, listen, I’m not just here with an apology. I took your cake samples home to my roommate Gwen and she actually _is_ getting married soon. She and her fiancé Lance completely fell in love with the strawberries and cream cake and they want you to make it for their wedding.”

Merlin passed Gwen’s business card across the counter and Arthur picked it up.

“Wow, that’s um… are Gwen and Lance-”

“Liars like me and Will?” Merlin finished. “No, they’re both ridiculously decent and honest. Bit sickening, actually.”

Arthur laughed and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds.

“Alright. Well, thank you for-”

“Wait, there’s more.”

This bit was embarrassing but Merlin had promised himself he wouldn’t chicken out. He took the tin from his bag and placed it on the counter.

“We also wasted your time last week and that wasn’t nice, so I thought I’d take some time and effort to give something back to you.”

Gingerly he lifted the lid on the cake he’d spent four hours slaving over.

Attempt at a cake might have been more appropriate. His icing had been far too runny and most of it had dripped down the sides. The word ‘Sorry’ was painstakingly written in messy red letters, in between two extremely sad attempts at icing art: one of a yellow flower and the other of a little man.

“Um, so, that’s a dandelion,” Merlin said. “Because of, you know. And, um, that’s you there. And it’s, er, vanilla. With buttercream. Which is… butter flavoured.”

Arthur looked down at the cake, then up at Merlin, then back at the cake again.

Then he burst out laughing.

“Oh my God!” Merlin said. “Look, making cakes is really hard! I did my best!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Arthur said, wheezing slightly. “It’s so sweet, it really is, I’ve just… never… seen a cake like this…”

And then he was off again. Merlin tried to maintain a straight face in defence of his cake’s honour but the slight of the dandelion slowing slipping off the edge of the cake was too funny to resist.

“God, it’s terrible,” Merlin said between gulps of laughter. “I really tried!”

“I can tell you did! Icing is tricky. I actually think you did quite well with my hair. But Merlin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why am I caught in a bear trap?”

“That’s your wheelchair!” Merlin protested and then they were off laughing again.

Eventually the other customers started staring and the petite brunette serving next to Arthur shot him a look.

“Right, sorry, I should let you get back to work.”

“Look, thank you for coming by,” Arthur said sincerely. “I appreciate the gesture.”

“Should I leave the cake or just throw it straight in the bin?”

“No way! No one ever makes me cake, I’m keeping it.”

Merlin smiled, oddly chuffed.

“In that case, I better buy myself a slice before I go.”

Arthur gestured to the display.

“Take your pick.”

“The rainbow cake, please,” Merlin said shyly. “I had to work during Pride this year so I’ll celebrate with this.”  

“You missed Pride?” Arthur said as he cut off an extra thick slice. “So did I! I was here all day. Haven’t missed one in six years, I was gutted.”

Merlin’s heart began to thump. Arthur was either into men or the best straight ally in the world. There was only one way to find out…

“We could… I mean… I don’t know when you finish today. But we could have a belated drink for Pride. Um, together?”

There was a fractional pause and then Arthur closed the cake cabinet with a click.

“Freya, are you alright if I take off early?”

Merlin couldn’t stop a grin from splitting his face.

“Course,” the brunette said cheerfully.

“Perks of being the boss,” Arthur said to Merlin with a wink.

“He takes all the leftover cake home too!” the brunette chirped.

“Shh, don’t be giving away all my dark secrets,” Arthur said as he lifted to counter to wheel towards Merlin.

“Luckily, I’ve got no dark secrets left,” Merlin said cheekily. “Since you’ve already met my fiancé.”

That earned him a poke in the ribs, but Merlin didn’t mind. The way the day was going, Arthur might just be persuaded to kiss it better.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! And please check out Tracionn's amazing art for this fic here on [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566557) and [tumblr](http://tracionn.tumblr.com/post/163247100511/modern-merthur-bakery-au-inspired-by-the-brilliant)! <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for 'The Cake Is A Lie'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566557) by [tracionn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tracionn/pseuds/tracionn)




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